Merry Christmas

Featuring "The Most Dangerous Man In the World," Ken Shamrock

Time for FoodManTooth's first annual Halloween feast:

B-Real & Dr. Dre - Puppet Master, originally released on DJ Muggs's Soul Assassins Volume 1. Peep B-Real of Cypress Hill done up all Goldfinger-like (no Anderson Cooper).

In the "Stay Fly" video, Juicy J pioneered a new trend, bitten first by Sordid Puppy and then by everyone else in the universe. This will remain one of my favorite songs ever.

It's too bad Rap is only interested in embracing regional genres like hyphy and crunk and whatever else. Horrorcore has yielded more quality tunes over the years than all of those put together. "Tell me your deepest fear. TELL ME YOUR DEEPEST FEAR!"

Don't get Horrorcore confused with this tripe. This shit is really popular where I grew up, which I'm fairly certain is not a good thing.

This might scare you, if you're afeared of Dipset or the idea of covering a song from Reasonable Doubt and then groping for publicity by dissing Jay-Z makes you queasy. "Imitate Jim Jones/End up like Cory Lidle" - Joe Budden

When I was in, say, 7th grade, I saw this video and thought it the best thing I'd ever seen. It's still a good song. This is the first and last time I post about Tool.

Gravediggaz. I guess this video's a little heavier with the imagery, but "Nowhere to Run, Nowhere to Hide" is an absolute classic.

This is just terrifying.

Più Pesce

This album wipes its ass with Paul McCartney

So, if we believe the Wu-Tang website, and some excerpted interview with Jay-Z on the XXL website, which FMT obviously found out about from Nahright, Ghostface has an another album coming out right after Xmas, called More Fish. Since releasing rap albums is, like naming your kid Adolf, somthing you just don't do these days, I'm thinkin' about this like I do about owning an elephant that I can ride around town on. But since Pretty Ton' is basically the only living person as smart as Shakespeare and Einstein COMBINED, I'm excited anyway.

Ghost's been on the scene these days:



Ghost - Yo boom God, Jigga, I got More Fish at the stash house in Hackensack, shizzam bangles, powder blue wallies is wicked.
Jay - ...uh...
Ghost - yo you know I hit mics like Ted Koppel, rifle expert. Yo we gotta go at this one harder than Fishscale, ninja street teams, hoodied up, blood in in their eyes, you know. Instead of Ne-Yo, maybe get Luther Vandross. You know his people?
Jay - He's dead.
Ghost - Yo, aight, Weekend at Bernie's whatever, we gotta get Luther.
Jay - Who are you again?

And then at some the mtvU Woodie Awards (yeah I don't know what that is either) with Lady Sovereign.



Ghost - Yo boom God, they got wallies in size 3 too.
Sov - Geezers need excitement.
Ghost - Queen Elizabeth rub on my leg, had ketchup on her dress from a whopper. Fuckin with Diana. Two rows across, Dirty giving hickeys to Vanna White, fingering Pamela Lee
Sov - Where's Hova, Jim Jones just told me Def Jam's gettin sued by Rick Rubin's beard.
Ghost - Capo? Starks and Cappadon' used a throw skelly wit Jimmy.
Sov - I don't know what that means.



Jim Jones - BALLIN!!....yo Ghost where's Cappadonna, I owe him a tip for the cab ride.

Twist Starts from the Heart

So both of them are gay?

Top Ten Things I, Slothra Could Post About Right Now (not including top ten lists--fuck a charlie kaufman)

10. My recent discovery of Everything Bagels. I once feared the populist cacophony of bits stuck to the holy staple. Now I welcome it. The onion plays well off cream cheese, yet is tempered by the sesame and poppy seeds. There is a metaphor in here about the 80s celtics.

9. Dane Cook. Not about how he's not funny or that lame people like him (i think lame people hate him now too) but about how people, such as Rob Sheffield of Rolling Stone have an insatiable need to tell everyone that he sucks. Ok, he sucks, stand-up sucks in general, yadda yadda yadda. The guy is just a business machine. Is there a need to announce every once and awhile that Piff Duddy can't rap? No, that would be like me announcing to people I pass that my appendix is not the most ambitious organ in my body. Who cares, move on.

8. Beach House. A dude and a chick from Baltimore, the city that must end up in every other FMT post. New band, blog hype, but a good band just the same, listen when there are amateur fireworks around.

7. The Knife. Puppy downloaded some shit a while ago, and I didn't really pay enough attention to it to tell that they're the fucking shit. Swedish siblings, synths, lyrics about how "you make me like charity." This is music to listen to with 6 foot tall models wearing patent leather body suits while eating 151 soaked maraschino cherries.

6. Scorcese. Saw The Departed twice. Upset "Theif's Theme" didn't make it on to the soundtrack, even though it's in the movie for seven seconds, when Leo and the greasy cousin are talking about selling drugs near Worchester. Don't know why I care what's on the soundtrack since there's no way I buy that shit.

5. Galoshes. Chicks love these shits these days.
- "Is it raining?"
- "No, sprinkling a little maybe....uh....you put on your galoshes before I said maybe"
- "What are galoshes?"
- "those rubber lime green shits on your feet"
- "oh I just call em boots or rubber boots"
- "either way, it's not raining"
- "it's spitting, I need my boots"
- "..."

4. Kenny Rodgers Dirtgate. Love when people add -gate to shit. Esp. when it's inappropriate.
- "you wanna go get lunchgate"
- "excuse me?"
- "lunchgate!"
- "take your hand off my face please."

3. Robert Chirstgau writing for RS. Like John Coltrane's cadaver joining a Linkin Park cover band cover band.

2. My desire for the FMT logo to be in old english font against a raised background of a manatee picture; and my inability to make this happen. Puppy?

1. The 3000 words posts that I write for no reason and then don't post because it takes too long to proofread them.

S.P. News

Get your kicks pimped by Johnny Jaywalker

Nahright's got a great new mixtape from the other S.P. Cop it here (download WinRAR to decompress).

I'm really feeling the few tracks I've heard from Philly native Oddisee, particularly "Once Again" featuring Freddie Foxxx.

Okayplayer's got an artist spotlight for Nicolay, as well; he deserved at least half the credit for one of my favorite albums of 2004, and "I Am the Man," which you can download here, satisfies.

Juicy J and DJ Paul lend Juicy's older brother Project Pat some phlogiston for his new single.

Salad Fingers, Burnt Face Man, etc.

Quite possibly the illest tee I've ever laid eyes upon.

Rich Boy feat Polow - Throw Some D's

You're a Neat Girl

"Heineken?!?! Fuck that shit!! Pabst Blue Ribbon!!!"

Here's the link for the second video off Chrome Children.

Jay-Z's video for "Show Me What You Got" debuted today. If you don't feel like watching it on YouTube, just turn on your telly and tune into BET at any time; I think they're playing it continuously all day. The track itself leaked a week or two ago, and it's a good song, but it functions best as the theme music to Danica Patrick and Dale Earnhardt Jr. driving Ferraris around Monaco. F. Gary Gray directed this, Jay's most decadent video to date, and it's fun to watch and everything, particularly because of the, um, cars and boats and girls and stuff. Danica Patrick is hot? Jay-Z disses Cristal and suavely presents some scorcher with a briefcase containing a bottle of champagne (Veuve Clicquot? Who cares?). Now THERE is an important statement made.

There's a few really nice Hi-Tek tracks on this Big Mike mixtape: "Music Is Life," "Go Back," and "Josephine." Apparently, these joints and others (including "Where It Started At") are making it onto Hi-Teknology 2: The Chip, which is dropping...drum roll, please...tomorrow. Wait -- an album gets great publicity off a mixtape and a video and then actually comes out on time, so as to capitalize on the exposure? This can't be happening. Babygrande will pull it -- oh wait, shit, Babygrande?!?!?!?! The independent label that houses (and consistently puts out albums from) artists from the Gza to Immortal Technique to Purple City? No WONDER Hi-Tek had a chance, unlike some of his less fortunate peers.

It seems like huge labels are about the worst places to be right now if you're ever interested in putting material out in a timely fashion (or, in some cases, at all). IF your album IS released, don't expect to get a video or any other kind of promotion that you don't do on your own. Def Jam handed The Roots and Method Man a couple of poop sandwiches and told them to eat. The Clipse seem doomed to catch cases instead of the platinum plaques that they unquestionably deserve. Hell Hath No Fury has a November 28th release date; if it never drops, it's us, the public, that should go all Frank Booth on Jive. Something's gotta give.

My Heritage

Looks 55% percent like Sordid Puppy; narrowly beat out by Claudia Schiffer

The gentleman pictured above is Aswami bin Ani, known to his countless adoring fans as Mawi. He's the premier male singer of the moment in Malaysia, and he's the former champion of Akademi Fantasia 3, which I think is like Malaysian Idol or something. Described by wikipedia as a "raw talent," an "ambassador of seven commercial products," and likened to "famous Malaysian singer and icon, Siti Nurhaliza," I'm not unhappy to declare that Mawi is the celebrity that looks 5th most like your boy SP, according to http://www.myheritage.com.

Who, you ask, beats out the above international superstar for the coveted positions of fourth, third, second, and first most similar in appearance to your favorite hound? The numbers are in, and TIED for third and fourth place, with a 57% Sordid Puppy similarity rating, are none other than Claudia Schiffer and Eva Herzigova. Apt comparisons, to be sure.

Schiffer and Herzigaga weep, for not even their near-immaculate beauty quite matches that of Eliza Dushku, who pulls in a staggering 60% on the SP likeness meter. However, in staggering departure from this enviable lineup, this geezer scores a 66% and takes home first prize. I'm left wondering why I shouldn't have his fortune with the fairer sex.

S.P. News

I'm looking forward to Blue Carpet Treatment

New Lids Fresh Goods Fridays October release...I'm pretty sure this is the cap Cameron sports in the One Eyed Willy video...BALLLIN!!!

VH1 Hip-Hop Honors airs next Tuesday at 9 PM; New York heads rejoice.

This is fucking atrocious.

Rap City continues to be the biggest piece of shit on earth. Last week, when it came on after "The Center," (yes, I flip through "The Center," and you know goddamn well why), I thought maybe it was going back to its two-hour playlength. I was wrong. It got downgraded to the slot BEFORE reruns of "The Wayans Bros." It's now back to the hour before 106 & Park, but it's still AWFUL. J-Nicks, Mad Linx, Q45 and whatever other STUPID NAMED idiot personality that is NOT Big Tigger should get dummysmacked for the rest of his pathetic life. The studio looks like it was designed by Queer Eye, half the time the guests don't spit, and when they do, the hosts LOOK LIKE IDIOTS BECAUSE THEY DON'T FREESTYLE. This is a travesty. Tigger should be knocking people out. Rap City is obviously not a priority for BET anymore, and that sucks. Now I have to watch "Direct Effect" and "Sucker Free", neither of which are cool, and I'm pissed.

Hey Fuckface, This Is My Nude Beach, at London's Frieze Art Fair.

A cool label, still going strong. Can't wait to pick up Kid Koala's novel about a clarinet-playing mosquito.

Common feat Sadat X - 1999

Hi-Tek's got a new album coming out soon. His debut, "Hi-Teknology" was weak. This is from "Soundbombing II", back in the day (remember Rawkus Records??).

Music for Likkle Tykes

He's the Juggernaut, bitch!

First off, Raffi, last name Cavoukian, really is the juggernaut, bitch. That gangster of children's entertainment got more spins (does a cassette tape spin? I guess the little wheely things do) in my youth than Planxty, "Illy-itch", and Peedi Peedi put together. "Everything Grows" was an absolute MONSTER and "Baby Beluga" was one of the flyest subliminal dis tracks ever.

Sordid Puppy grows and grows, and so does his appetite for wax-dispatching titans of Raffi's ilk. You, discerning reader, check Foodmantooth because you respect our steez -- we got taste for days, we blaze and amaze, we eat leek soup, et cetera, et cetera.

Lupe got a B from Slothra. Several posts ago, I was clintin' about how Food & Liquor had become this hyped-up enormity that could never live up to the press it was getting. After copping F & L the day it dropped, I was disappointed to find my fears realized. It's a good album, certainly, but it's not the classic that I had hoped it would be. Lupe had ages to put this thing out, especially since the first version was leaked and he was forced to go back to the drawing board. Back at said drawing board, I imagine Lupe, in all his sober intensity and focus, drafting the "perfect album": one that would flow impeccably from track to track, covering all the bases and leaving nothing unsaid, no "concept track" undone. F & L is painstakingly choreographed from start to finish, and let me tell you, it's effing boring. Instead of hitting the studio and knocking out a bunch of bangers, Lupe's tried to make his debut album his magnum opus, and that's something that's never going to work. Don't get me wrong -- plenty of rappers have dropped stellar debuts (most of them, regrettably, never achieve this level of quality ever again), but they're great because they don't feel forced. I predict that Lupe has one or several great records in his future, but in order to make them he's going to have to let himself make art and forget about being better than Nas or whatever.

Chrome Children is out, and people, you need to recognize. Stones Throw Records + Adult Swim = Sordid Puppy's wet dream, and you should feel the same. Here's streaming audio, and here are the music videos (as of this post, only one had been released online, but it's fucking J Dilla and it's got jellyfish-sorta lookin things and a fish with a mustache and a giant ice cream cone that wrecks shit so wake the fuck up).

Killer Mike is supposed to have an album coming out sometime in the future, and I'm excited about it. I guess if it never actually comes out, I can keep listening to "My Chrome," which must have dropped a couple years ago, and "Get Em Shawty," which is even older, as far as I can remember. Yes, he's been putting out mixtapes, and hey -- maybe King Kong will just do that forever and never actually make any money.

I'll close this by running down some of the iller ish that SP's been into lately:

• J-Hood & Styles P. - Fuck the Police
• Lupe Fiasco - Real; Sunshine; He Say She Say; Pressure
• The Game - Let's Ride
• Frank n Dank - The Hustle
• Brother Ali - Original King
• Raekwon - Roof Top
• Saigon - Don't Do That
• Purple City - Grind Slow
• DJ Khaled feat Freeway & The Clipse - Where You At
• Obie Trice - Wanna Know
• Luda - He Man; Shakedown
• Lloyd Banks - Whip Pussy
• Nicolay feat Black Spade - I Am the Man
• Rhymefest - All Girls Cheat
• Hi-Tek feat Ghostface - Josephine

Slum Village - Ez Up Motor City Remix

Foodmantooth MV re-up

Frank N Dank - What Up

Roc C feat Aloe Blacc - My Life

Mayday feat Cee-Lo & DJ Craze - Groundhog Day

Sway - This Is My Demo

Now we sip champagne when we thirs-tay

Word of advice: never beat this guy in four-square

I'm not sure if people born on days other than October 3rd do this, but today all of us famous people born on this great day got together and partied like trapperkeeper stars. Here's who showed up:

1. Black Thought and Talib Kweli came wearing shirts that said "cognizant rappers are morally bankrupt too." India Arie was with them, but left after Gore Vidal kept asking her if she was Erykah Badu.

2. Dave Winfield and Dennis Eckersley reminisced about the old days when Barry Bonds didn't have custom-made helmets. Then they organized a game of four-square with Fred, the Brazilian footballer, and Fred Couples. The Freds conspired to rule the court, which angered the competitor in Eck, who threw many baseballs at the Freds' faces. He apologized afterwards.

3. Tommy Lee showed up with Gwen Stefani on one arm and Ashlee Simpson on the other. He's 44 today.

4. Al Sharpton and Stifler became good friends, mostly because both of them were hitting on Neve Cambell, and bonded over the futility of their pursuit (she was with me [1]).

5. Steve Reich DJd, although his experimental minimalism didn't give Chubby Checker a chance to do the twist, which made Stifler try to beat up Reich. Luckily, the oldest guy there, 82 year old Russian bodybuilder Arkady Vorobyov, was on Reich's side, and he proceeded to throw Stifler onto a roof, where Wil Cordero was beating up his wife.

[1] Denise Richards was with me too, but it wasn't her birthday.