Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Twist Starts from the Heart

So both of them are gay?

Top Ten Things I, Slothra Could Post About Right Now (not including top ten lists--fuck a charlie kaufman)

10. My recent discovery of Everything Bagels. I once feared the populist cacophony of bits stuck to the holy staple. Now I welcome it. The onion plays well off cream cheese, yet is tempered by the sesame and poppy seeds. There is a metaphor in here about the 80s celtics.

9. Dane Cook. Not about how he's not funny or that lame people like him (i think lame people hate him now too) but about how people, such as Rob Sheffield of Rolling Stone have an insatiable need to tell everyone that he sucks. Ok, he sucks, stand-up sucks in general, yadda yadda yadda. The guy is just a business machine. Is there a need to announce every once and awhile that Piff Duddy can't rap? No, that would be like me announcing to people I pass that my appendix is not the most ambitious organ in my body. Who cares, move on.

8. Beach House. A dude and a chick from Baltimore, the city that must end up in every other FMT post. New band, blog hype, but a good band just the same, listen when there are amateur fireworks around.

7. The Knife. Puppy downloaded some shit a while ago, and I didn't really pay enough attention to it to tell that they're the fucking shit. Swedish siblings, synths, lyrics about how "you make me like charity." This is music to listen to with 6 foot tall models wearing patent leather body suits while eating 151 soaked maraschino cherries.

6. Scorcese. Saw The Departed twice. Upset "Theif's Theme" didn't make it on to the soundtrack, even though it's in the movie for seven seconds, when Leo and the greasy cousin are talking about selling drugs near Worchester. Don't know why I care what's on the soundtrack since there's no way I buy that shit.

5. Galoshes. Chicks love these shits these days.
- "Is it raining?"
- "No, sprinkling a little maybe....uh....you put on your galoshes before I said maybe"
- "What are galoshes?"
- "those rubber lime green shits on your feet"
- "oh I just call em boots or rubber boots"
- "either way, it's not raining"
- "it's spitting, I need my boots"
- "..."

4. Kenny Rodgers Dirtgate. Love when people add -gate to shit. Esp. when it's inappropriate.
- "you wanna go get lunchgate"
- "excuse me?"
- "lunchgate!"
- "take your hand off my face please."

3. Robert Chirstgau writing for RS. Like John Coltrane's cadaver joining a Linkin Park cover band cover band.

2. My desire for the FMT logo to be in old english font against a raised background of a manatee picture; and my inability to make this happen. Puppy?

1. The 3000 words posts that I write for no reason and then don't post because it takes too long to proofread them.

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