Monday, July 10, 2006


"Yes, doctor, this is where it hurts. Also, my shame seems to have turned me into a marionette. Can you give me something for that?"

Xenadrine Zidane’s headbutt in the WC final was one of the great cranial batteries in history, and basically everyone in the world wishes FIFA had a mic buried in the pitch (I'm going to start calling all fields 'pitches' by the way) so that we hear what Marco Materazzi said to X-I-mean-Z-to-the-Z.

The AP reports this: "The Paris-based anti-racism advocacy group SOS-Racism issued a statement Monday quoting "several very well informed sources from the world of football" as saying Materazzi called Zidane a "dirty terrorist." It demanded that FIFA investigate and take any appropriate action." If this is true, Materazzi clearly hasn't seen The Battle of Algiers. I mean, you don't hafta rock the Kasbah too hard to get your proverbial discothèque purse-bombed.

This is great: In reference to Zindane growing-up in some PJs in Marseille and playing streetball on concrete, Terry Hank, the great French nose-tackle, was quoted as saying "you can take the man out of the rough neighborhood, but you can't take the rough neighborhood out of the man." Was it the ancient street philosopher Iced Tea (w/lemon) who first said that?

To preempt Letterman:

Top 10 things Marco Materazzi might have said to Zinedine Zidane in the World Cup Final:

10. Who's your barber, a Franciscan monk or Verbal Kent?
9. Your midfield play has been decidedly subpar.
8. Les pince-nez sur votre entraîneur, tres chic!
7. How do you feel about Dutch cartoons?
6. Hey, Zisou, do you think you could pretend my sternum was one of those balls you headed into the back of the net in '98. That would be great, thanks.
5. Remember when you had brain surgery when you were 5? Well, the Italian government was behind the scalpel, installing a powerful magnet in your brain. Another such magnet is in my sternum. Let's see how they work.
4. Jesus takes Muhammed in rochambeau any day of the week.
3. One of those little kids that we escorted out of the tunnel told me you offered him candy and winked.
2. I posit that your government’s continuing deregulation of its economy is fundamentally at odds with much needed reforms in the labor market
1. Yo mamma wears army boots.

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