Acetate>ChiaPet>RalphMacchio

Fuck this, Shrek ain't even supposed to have hair.

I was talked to a flaming Chia Pet in a Bulgarian monastery who told me the number seven was holy:

1. I'm writing a long-ass article about Laguna Beach/The Hills/Adam Morrison's mustache. Hopefully it'll end up in the New Yorker Talk of the Town Section. Otherwise it'll be here pretty soon.

2. The Minutemen drop a funk bomb on ya. And I'm not talking bout the legendary Fife and Drum corps with Bootsy Collins' greatgreatgreat grandpappy on bass.

3. S dot mini dog always pushin Killer Mike. Took me until now to tease him out of masses in the A. Which means differentiate him from Big Boi. "That's Life" gets a John Quincy Adams even though I can't figure out his stance on Cornell West.

4. Blogger is annoying as fuck if you have a mac. You hafta be Steve Woznifuck to link to Tera Patrick's elbow or a recipe for fertilizer gumbo. How much do I wish I owned a HTML wiz who is a midget who always wears a nacho hat? This much (Kevin McHale wingspan x 97098032982398)

5. The Wikipedia Chia Pet entry is a tour de force. That there's a Chia Shrek and no Chia Early Ludacris makes me cry much. One of them has an afro one of them doesn't you fukers

6. I wasn't gonna blog bout no Red Sox jingoism, cuz I feared the Puppy might maul me with anti northeast/pro midwestern manicured doggy claws---- but Papi did the crane kick, Karate Kid style on second base, for no reason. I nearly combusted with love for the man.

7. I found an italian-import red vinyl reissue of Pere Ubu's seminal LP "Dub Housing" for $15. On my way out, I gave Madlib and Shadow the League of Extraordinary Cratedigging Gentlepeople handshake. Although not sure is Otis or Josh is into Postpunk. Wait...those two are into (insert humorously obscure genre).